Throughout my career, I have worked in specialty and community mental health clinics where, to be frank, we see A LOT of stuff. One of the most frustrating parts of those roles was how deeply ingrained misconceptions around suicide are. Often, one of the biggest barriers to helping my clients was to refute the myths my clients and the people who loved them had about suicidality. You might think that sounds silly, considering my job was kind of life or death in some situations, but tackling these myths is important, given how our belief systems drive our behaviors. Here are 5 of the most common myths I see in my clinical work.
Myth 1: People Who Talk About Suicide Won’t Actually Do It
One of the most dangerous misconceptions is that individuals who express suicidal thoughts are just seeking attention and won’t follow through. SO MANY PARENTS that I worked with felt like their kids just wanted attention, or to get out of their chores. But suicide was the second leading cause of death for people age 10-24 in 2021 and 2022 (CDC, 2023). In reality, talking about suicide can be a significant cry for help. People may express their thoughts or plans as a way of reaching out because they feel overwhelmed by their emotions or circumstances.
What exactly constitutes talking about it? When its via text? When it’s a joke? In Passing? When his mom asks if he wants to go to the store with her and he responds, “I’d rather die.”?? What about when your friend is complaining about work and says she wants to “Cha Cha real smooth off the side of a cliff”?? The short answer: Yes. If someone talks about suicide/ death/ dying unfazed, it is likely that the thought has crossed their mind. Just because someone makes a crude joke doesn’t mean they are in imminent danger, but they might be struggling more than we know. Additionally, when people talk about wanting to give up, feeling like they can’t carry on, or even saying they’d be better off dead: take them seriously! Best case- they tell you to chill. Worst- you give them a reason to stay another day.
Myth 2: Suicide Happens Without Warning
Another misconception is that suicide is impulsive and unpredictable. While there are instances where a suicide attempt may seem sudden, many individuals display warning signs, often for weeks or months beforehand. These can include changes in behavior, mood, or personality; withdrawal from friends or family; giving away personal belongings; and expressions of hopelessness. By understanding these signs and staying attentive to shifts in behavior, we can intervene before it’s too late. See my last post for more information on how to spot the signs.
Myth 3: Asking Someone If They’re Suicidal Will Put the Idea in Their Head
Many people fear that asking someone about suicide will make them more likely to consider it. However, asking someone directly about suicidal thoughts does not increase the risk—it actually provides an opportunity for them to open up and share what they’re going through. Addressing the topic openly can help dispel the isolation they may feel and allows for supportive conversations that encourage them to seek help.
In contemporary society, we have access to ALL the information, ALL the time. If someone is thinking about killing themselves, you asking about it will not push them into it. If anything, it will show them that someone cares enough to check in. Additionally, if they are not considering it, asking about it won’t somehow make it seem like a good idea. Suicide is often the last-ditch option for someone who has been hurting for a while.
Myth 4: All Suicidal People are Mentally Ill
While mental health disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety are risk factors, they are not the only reasons someone might consider suicide. Life stressors like financial difficulties, job loss, relationship problems, trauma, or chronic illness can also contribute to suicidal thoughts, even in individuals who don’t have a diagnosed mental illness. It’s important to recognize that anyone, regardless of their mental health history, can be vulnerable to suicidal thoughts during times of distress.
Myth 5: Suicide Is a Selfish Choice
This myth stems from a lack of understanding about the overwhelming pain and hopelessness someone may feel leading up to a suicide attempt. Those who are suicidal often feel as though their loved ones would be better off without them, and they may believe that ending their life is the only way to stop their suffering. Viewing suicide through a lens of selfishness ignores the immense emotional turmoil that underlies it. Instead, it’s important to approach those who are struggling with empathy and compassion.
Most people have probably heard of the fight, flight, and freeze response system that our brains have developed to keep us alive. It’s that part of us that makes the hairs on our arms stand up when we are walking to our cars; the alarm system that forces us to sprint back through the door after we’ve taken the trash can to the curb after dark. A gentle consideration to keep in mind is that suicidal people are in such spaces of turmoil that not only do their brains not recoil at the thought of death, but they often feel calm relief at the thought of not having to be in that pain anymore.
So, what do we replace these myths with? Here are some key takeaways:
- If someone is talking about suicide: listen to them.
- Suicide is often a chronic issue that has risk factors and warning signs that we can pay attention to.
- Talking about suicide will NOT make someone kill themselves.
- You don’t have to be mentally ill (or have a DSM diagnosis) to be suicidal.
- People who are struggling with suicidal thoughts and behaviors are not selfish- they are hurting.
If you’re still here, thanks for sticking with me as we work through some of the myths and misconceptions around suicide. Next post, I will walk you through how this came to be my area of expertise, and how I handle the harder days.
