Archives: suicide prevention

Viktor Frankl has a quote in Man’s Search for Meaning: “In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning…” I think, at the heart of it all, the reason I study trauma and suicide is because it gives my experiences meaning. 

I have major depression and generalized anxiety, along with complex posttraumatic stress disorder. I say my brain is my frenemy because I feel like I have superpowers sometimes, e.g. when I am hyper-fixated and able to get work done in record time. At other times, my brain is basically useless- I have problems with executive functioning, get caught in catastrophe spirals, cannot focus, and sometimes I even have thoughts that it would be better/ easier for the people I care about if I were dead. 

When I first realized that I was not in a good place with my mental health, I was just getting established with my faith and I felt like I was broken because I wanted to die so often. I felt like if I were a “real” Christian, I would never think like this. Therefore, struggling with suicidality was proof that whatever faith I had was fickle or superficial.  In addition, I was so worried that if I told anyone, I would get sent on a grippy sock vacation and everyone would know exactly how broken (add in a lot of other really unkind adjectives here) I was. So, I prayed about it and asked God to strengthen my faith and fix my brain and take away the thoughts I was having, make me happy and not anxious and normal. He didn’t do any of that, but he did reveal a passage to me that has changed my perspective both as a person and a therapist. 

Edwin Schneidman’s work “The Suicidal Mind” introduces us to a construct called “psycheache”. This phenomenon is described as the deep psychological pain that one endures that is so overwhelming it causes an individual to contemplate suicide as a coping response. This phenomenon is demonstrated in one of Paul’s letters, 2 Corinthians. He writes in verse 8 “… We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.” I am not arguing that Paul is describing an acute suicidal episode in this passage. He is, however stating that there are times when a human being is in so much despair, that the prospect of a future seems impossible. I  interpret this passage as providing an example of the ways that suffering can impact a person so deeply, that they see death as a viable option for themselves.

Also in 2 Corinthians, Paul writes words of praise to the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort “who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (NIV) In moments when I am sitting across from an individual who is wholly broken, in pain, and suffering, I sometimes feel inadequate to love them in a way that will make a difference. In those moments I remind myself of this verse. I have internalized this to mean that I am not consoling or comforting this client out of my own strength or emotional well, rather I call on His resources to sustain me so that I might just be with them in those moments; comfort them in a way that embodies God’s love. This “emotional outsourcing” as I call it, is a protective skill that I use in order to stay regulated in the moment and protect myself from burnout in the long-term. 

The message continues, where Paul invites us into community with one another. He elucidates the role of sharing our burdens, in leaning on one another for endurance in moments where we might otherwise be crushed. There have been a few times throughout the past decade where I have questioned if I could shoulder the burdens of others while managing the weight of my own struggles, but this passage reminds us that we are not alone in it, nor should we be. When I am teaching students and supervisors about suicide intervention skills, for example, we focus on the importance of collaboration in safety planning, goal setting, contingency managing, etc. Outside of the legal and ethical recommendations for consultation, inviting others into the fold provides an opportunity to lessen our emotional load. 

In summary, I got into this work because I needed to understand why my brain felt like it was constantly betraying me. Through my work, I found compassion not only for myself, but also an ability to shoulder weight that I’d otherwise be unable manage. While there is part of me that worries those who might read this post will somehow think less of me, doubt me or my relationship with Jesus, I know in my soul that I am doing work that God called me to. I know that He has placed me on this path to make goodness out of my experiences so that I might help others. Whether you’re struggling with suicidality yourself, or you worry about how you’ll respond as a clinician in the future- please know that this is a hard topic to wrestle with and it can be scary. 

My hope is that by reading these posts, you now know the signs to look out for, the importance of challenging some of our own biases, and the necessity to build relationships with one another and with God. You can read post 1 and post 2 here! Thank you for following along with this series for Suicide Prevention Month. If you have questions or comments about anything I have discussed here, please reach out to me. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicide or other mental health crisis, call 988, or search for a mental health professional. You are not alone, and there is hope in tomorrow. 

Throughout my career, I have worked in specialty and community mental health clinics where, to be frank, we see A LOT of stuff. One of the most frustrating parts of those roles was how deeply ingrained misconceptions around suicide are. Often, one of the biggest barriers to helping my clients was to refute the myths my clients and the people who loved them had about suicidality.  You might think that sounds silly, considering my job was kind of life or death in some situations, but tackling these myths is important, given how our belief systems drive our behaviors. Here are 5 of the most common myths I see in my clinical work.

Myth 1: People Who Talk About Suicide Won’t Actually Do It

One of the most dangerous misconceptions is that individuals who express suicidal thoughts are just seeking attention and won’t follow through. SO MANY PARENTS that I worked with felt like their kids just wanted attention, or to get out of their chores. But suicide was the second leading cause of death for people age 10-24 in 2021 and 2022 (CDC, 2023).  In reality, talking about suicide can be a significant cry for help. People may express their thoughts or plans as a way of reaching out because they feel overwhelmed by their emotions or circumstances. 

What exactly constitutes talking about it? When its via text? When it’s a joke? In Passing? When his mom asks if he wants to go to the store with her and he responds, “I’d rather die.”?? What about when your friend is complaining about work and says she wants to “Cha Cha real smooth off the side of a cliff”?? The short answer: Yes. If someone talks about suicide/ death/ dying unfazed, it is likely that the thought has crossed their mind. Just because someone makes a crude joke doesn’t mean they are in imminent danger, but they might be struggling more than we know. Additionally, when people talk about wanting to give up, feeling like they can’t carry on, or even saying they’d be better off dead: take them seriously! Best case- they tell you to chill. Worst- you give them a reason to stay another day.

Myth 2: Suicide Happens Without Warning

Another misconception is that suicide is impulsive and unpredictable. While there are instances where a suicide attempt may seem sudden, many individuals display warning signs, often for weeks or months beforehand. These can include changes in behavior, mood, or personality; withdrawal from friends or family; giving away personal belongings; and expressions of hopelessness. By understanding these signs and staying attentive to shifts in behavior, we can intervene before it’s too late. See my last post for more information on how to spot the signs. 

Myth 3: Asking Someone If They’re Suicidal Will Put the Idea in Their Head

Many people fear that asking someone about suicide will make them more likely to consider it. However, asking someone directly about suicidal thoughts does not increase the risk—it actually provides an opportunity for them to open up and share what they’re going through. Addressing the topic openly can help dispel the isolation they may feel and allows for supportive conversations that encourage them to seek help.

In contemporary society, we have access to ALL the information, ALL the time. If someone is thinking about killing themselves, you asking about it will not push them into it. If anything, it will show them that someone cares enough to check in. Additionally, if they are not considering it, asking about it won’t somehow make it seem like a good idea. Suicide is often the last-ditch option for someone who has been hurting for a while. 

Myth 4: All Suicidal People are Mentally Ill

While mental health disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety are risk factors, they are not the only reasons someone might consider suicide. Life stressors like financial difficulties, job loss, relationship problems, trauma, or chronic illness can also contribute to suicidal thoughts, even in individuals who don’t have a diagnosed mental illness. It’s important to recognize that anyone, regardless of their mental health history, can be vulnerable to suicidal thoughts during times of distress. 

Myth 5: Suicide Is a Selfish Choice

This myth stems from a lack of understanding about the overwhelming pain and hopelessness someone may feel leading up to a suicide attempt. Those who are suicidal often feel as though their loved ones would be better off without them, and they may believe that ending their life is the only way to stop their suffering. Viewing suicide through a lens of selfishness ignores the immense emotional turmoil that underlies it. Instead, it’s important to approach those who are struggling with empathy and compassion.

Most people have probably heard of the fight, flight, and freeze response system that our brains have developed to keep us alive. It’s that part of us that makes the hairs on our arms stand up when we are walking to our cars; the alarm system that forces us to sprint back through the door after we’ve taken the trash can to the curb after dark.  A gentle consideration to keep in mind is that suicidal people are in such spaces of turmoil that not only do their brains not recoil at the thought of death, but they often feel calm relief at the thought of not having to be in that pain anymore.  

So, what do we replace these myths with? Here are some key takeaways:

• If someone is talking about suicide: listen to them.
• Suicide is often a chronic issue that has risk factors and warning signs that we can pay attention to.
• Talking about suicide will NOT make someone kill themselves.
• You don’t have to be mentally ill (or have a DSM diagnosis) to be suicidal.
• People who are struggling with suicidal thoughts and behaviors are not selfish- they are hurting.

If you’re still here, thanks for sticking with me as we work through some of the myths and misconceptions around suicide. Next post, I will walk you through how this came to be my area of expertise, and how I handle the harder days.