The Best Self
Abraham Maslow introduced the Hierarchy of Needs in 1943 and put “self-actualization” at its very peak. According to him, self-actualization represents the highest order of motivations (need), which drive us to realize our true potential and achieve our “ideal self”. The continuous growth in the self-help book market might be supporting the existence of this need in human beings; however, achieving the “best (ideal) self” is not as easy as it sounds.
Why?
Life is suffering. Life is full of challenges and pains. If achieving the best self were our life goal, then challenges and obstacles are along the way to reach to the goal. We could fulfill our potential only by overcoming challenges, but it is difficult to face sufferings.
Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.
Once we truly know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
The Road Less Traveled- M. Scott Peck
I had my first son 12 years ago. It was a such a demanding job to take care of a new-born baby. I could not sleep the whole night for months in order to feed the baby. The pain from sleep deprivation took away all the joyful moments I should have had with my baby. I was angry and even depressed. Four years later, I had my second son. He woke up every two hours during night like his brother. But from the experience, I already knew what it would be like to take care of a new-born baby, and I already had accepted the fact that this was a demanding job. Once I accepted the fact, I found myself enjoying the time spent with my son day and night.
If you want to be your best self, first of all, accept the fact that life is suffering. Then, you could use all of your resources and energy not to complain about the problem, but to solve it. Then, you could get one step closer to your best self.
If you want to make your life better, you gotta do what’s right every single day.
Blue Miracle
Once we accept the necessity of challenges and pain in our lives and do our best to make things better, we could grow. To ameliorate pains and grow, what we need most is to take responsibility and act courageously and truthfully.
We must each adopt as much responsibility as possible for individual life, society, and the world.
12 Rules for Life an Antidote to Chaos Jordan Peterson
You have a choice to take an easier way. That is doing nothing. But the problem is when you choose the easier one, the pain doubles to say the least. You need to be courageous to choose the difficult path. In other words, you need to have the courage to take responsibility and commit to the truth. Are you willing have courage for your best self?
References
Peck, M. S. (1978). The road less traveled : a new psychology of love, traditional values, and spiritual growth. Simon and Schuster.
Peterson, J. B., Doidge, N., & Van, S. E. (2018). 12 rules for life: An antidote to chaos.
Quintana, J. (2021). Blue Miracle. IMDbPro.
28 Comments
Dr. Mun
I appreciate your insight on how accepting difficulty in life means living a life worth the challenges when you advance. In order to grow we must fail, lose, and learn. It’s all part of a process called “overcoming”. The road less traveled is hard. However, with the guidance of god, we can become the best version of ourselves. The road not traveled at all should be what we all need to strive for. If everything was easy, everyone would do it. The difficulty is necessary for growth. Amazing Post.
Thank you for your insight on how to be your best self. To answer your question, yes, I am willing to have courage to be my best self. You mention in you blog how we need to accept that life is suffering and once we accept the pains in our life, we can grow. This stood out to me because, as someone who can’t accept the pains in my life, I found myself to not be able to grow to my best self. When I choose to not accept, I do feel that the pain in my life does become bigger and bigger each day I don’t face it. After reading your blog, it has shown me that I need to start accepting that life is suffering and to face the challenges instead of doing nothing.
Dr. Sphia, I enjoyed reading your ideas and thoughts! Life is full of pain and suffering, but it is up to us to make it go away. When we are new to something, such as having a newborn baby, we hear what to expect but don’t really know until we’re in the situation, but once we learn from it, we learn how to improve it. I liked the quote you posted “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it”.
“Once we truly know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters”.
The Road Less Traveled- M. Scott Peck
This is vital to acknowledge in the face of difficulty and challenge. Once we accept that life is not always sunshine and rainbows is when we mature our thinking and find solutions to make life fun and enjoyable.
I absolutely enjoyed reading this blog post, Dr. Mun! I found it interesting how you pointed out that once we learn to embrace the pain and find the strength and courage to face it, we can enjoy our lives more. I feel we often try to avoid the pain or struggle to accept it, but when we learn to accept it we can enjoy our lives more. We tend to build up barriers and protect ourselves from suffering, which only leads to more dismay, and sometimes pushes away good people or useful life experiences trying to protect ourselves from suffering. I completely agree to be our best selves, we must first accept that life brings suffering.
Dr. Mun, I appreciated this blog post and its reminder that life is not lived without suffering. I enjoyed your discussion of the mindset shift you had to go through from complaining about suffering to using available resources to make something good of it. It is so easy to get stuck in the norm of complaining becoming a second language. This post is an uplifting reminder. Thank you!
So true!! We face challenges and struggles every day and sometimes those struggles affect us on levels that we can’t even begin to describe but we chose to get back up and continue to fight and by getting back up, again and again, we grow stronger and we become closer to our best self.
This was an insightful post, Dr. Mun. I enjoyed reading how you were able to connect the challenges faced on a difficult path (or in other words the “road less traveled”) with striving to achieve our ideal self. I agree that if we do not face the pain and challenges in life, we are unable to grow.
I think for many people, me included, the easier path is taken because it comes with less uncertainty. Pain and challenges are expected because they are a natural part of life, but the fear of the unknown can be overwhelming. Just like your experience with your children, you were unaware of the true sacrifices that came along with motherhood, then when your second child came along, you were more prepared and were able to face those challenges with more grace for yourself.
You mentioned that the easy path causes more pain, and the difficult path makes us a better version of ourselves. This was an interesting perspective for me because I had never thought how “easy” could cause more pain. However, now I see that the result is not being able to grow. I do agree with you that facing those challenges and growing through the pain and uncertainty is the only way to achieve the “ideal self.” Being more aware of this issue, I do hope that in the future I can choose to accept the challenges as a learning experience rather than an inconvenience.
Hello Dr. Mun,
I found this entry interesting; however, I disagree with the logic of the quote used but agreed with your perspective. The quote by M. Scott Peck seems to be a very circular thought process, especially when life hits you hard. Most people know that life can be challenging and painful and, for the most part, expect it. I do not feel that accepting it takes away from the pain; it just teaches you how to roll with the punches and learn from the experiences. Doing your best to stay optimistic while growing is not easy, but very possible. Thank you for sharing!!!
I agree with the statement, “once we accept the necessity of challenges and pain in our lives and do our best to make things better, we could grow.” Everyone has something they are going through and people go through different stressors and struggles. It’s important for people to learn how to get through these struggles. This is why I found this blog very insightful and it’s a good reminder to people that everyone goes through adversity and we must mentally prepare ourselves for the struggles we are dealing with today and struggles that may come during the next day or even the next year. While we can not change our circumstances and the adversity we go through, we can change our perspective and not let those things break us down completely.
I really enjoyed the topic you discussed in your post, as it is something I agree with wholeheartedly. When encountering a difficult task, I do occasionally go for the easier path, but when I reflect on those choices, I do notice I don’t get much value out of it when compared to going for a more difficult path where I gain the experience and knowledge of going through the hardships of a task. Taking the time to remind myself to weigh the outcomes of my choices really does benefit me as it ensures I go for the choice that has the most value in strengthening my grit and leading me towards a more growth mindset. I appreciate the reminder of the significance of hard work and how it pays off in the long run overall.
Yes! Sometimes our world makes us think (or want to think) that we can skip the hard work. IT’s good to be reminded that life is about more than what is easy right now.
Something told me to click on this specific blog post, and I am very glad that I did. I’ve been having a challenging time with finding my purpose and putting my fears aside in order to make something out of myself. However, after reading the quote by M. Scott Peck, I realized no matter where you are in your journey, life is going to be difficult at times but within that difficult process you will be glad you went through with it, because it will pay off in the end. You cannot let fear take over, because you’re not going to make it anywhere in life. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. To conclude, this was a very well written post and I’m glad I had the opportunity to read it.
I’m so glad to hear this, Imenisha. I first read Scott Peck’s work when I was in college….and I still think about it and am challenged by it (many, many….many years later). I hope you continue to meditate on these ideas so that you can lean into where you are being called as you continue in your journey!
I love the content and message that were expressed through this blog. I believe in this whole heartedly and it’s something that everyone should read and take into consideration. Especially during these current years in our world, there is a lot of heart ache and issues where our world suffers. In order to resolve and make better, we need to tackle and acknowledge the issues head on in order to grow as people. This concept applies to not just worldly issues, but every day to day in order to better yourself as a person.
Thanks so much for sharing these thoughts, Jaclyn!
Hello Dr. Mun,
I want to start by saying thank you for your lovely wisdom. I concur with your assertion that accepting life’s challenges is necessary for growth. We seem to be lethargic and have a propensity to give up when things are difficult. I think we develop the most when our work is the most uncomfortable for us. It really does teach us how to plan ahead and manage our stress. Going through difficult circumstances will make us more resilient!
Thank you for this comment, Aimee!
I appreciate your insight Dr. Mun, accepting suffering as part of our lives can be difficult but it gives life a new light. A different perspective is adopted when we are faced with challenges but we know that its much greater than those challenges. Many religions teach this principle but it can be adopted in many ways. From a Christian perspective we learn that there will be suffering but Christ will be glorified through those hard times and we have hope. Other religions teach suffering, but they attribute this suffering to their actions rather than merely being part of life. This can be damning to them and their lifestyle because to come to believe that they deserve to suffer and limit themselves to these challenges. I really liked that you mentioned that we get to decide each day to face these challenges but moreover we get to decide how we agree pain and suffering.
Dr. Mun,
I recently realized and also accepted that life can be extremely difficult at times. Since then, it has kept me going and has made me realize that in order to achieve my goal, there are going to be challenges and obstacles, but I feel more prepared now that I know there are challenges ahead. I believe that challenges are what make us stronger for the upcoming future and maybe even more courageous than before!
I really liked the quote by M. Scott Peck and how it is true that once the difficulty of life is acknowledged, we no longer worry about the difficulty and can then shift our focus to other opportunities.
Aryana thank you for sharing! Challenges are sometimes uncomfortable but I agree that they are ways we can push ourselves to become better people, friends, employees, and students!
After reading this post, I feel more enlightened by how our lives are difficult, but new paths can follow them. I agree with the concept that even though life is difficult, once we get past the understanding of the difficult paths of life, new paths and lights shine upon us.
Alyssa,
Thank you for sharing! Life is difficult but these unique challenges are ways we can turn failure into success and become better versions of ourselves and lights for Christ!
Hello Dr. Mun,
This was an insightful post. This was an encouraging post for me. Sometimes facing struggles can be excuse for some to give up, but I have to see my struggles as a way to a better self. This does allow an individual to grow because life is full of struggles and being able to face them can show growth. It reminds me to have a positive mindset about life and the obstacles I face.
Ingrid thank you for sharing! I am glad this post was insightful and encouraging for you! I pray you can continue to grow throughout your education at CBU.
I appreciate the reminder that this blog has presented. Life presents us with so many difficulties every day. Without facing struggle, we will never be able to learn, grow, or reach our full potential. Failure is something holding many people back, but I believe your blog really encourages the fact that without hardships, there is no success.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Alexandra. Struggle and hardship will naturally be presented in life, but we can work on developing our mindset to turn failure into success!
Thank you for this insight into how we truly self-actualize and how we are able to grow in this life. This reminds me of James 1:2, which says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” For the Christian, trials are meant to be counted as joy because the testing of our faith produces endurance. God gives us trials to grow the fruits of the Spirit in us. He shows that for the Christian, all things work together for our good and for God’s glory. This applies to all parts of our lives, including trials and suffering. In suffering, we find ourselves being perfected to be more like Christ, who suffered perfectly on our behalf.
Amen! Christ did indeed suffer perfectly on our behalf, what a great reminder. Thank you for commenting, Faith!