{"id":2071,"date":"2024-09-25T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-09-25T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/?p=2071"},"modified":"2024-09-25T06:41:27","modified_gmt":"2024-09-25T06:41:27","slug":"keeping-faith-understanding-suicidality-from-a-personal-perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/2024\/09\/25\/keeping-faith-understanding-suicidality-from-a-personal-perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"Keeping Faith: Understanding Suicidality from a Personal Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Photo by Fred <\/a>Moon<\/a> on Unsplash.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Viktor Frankl has a quote in Man\u2019s Search for <\/a>Meaning<\/a>: \u201cIn some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning\u2026\u201d I think, at the heart of it all, the reason I study trauma and suicide is because it gives my experiences meaning.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have major depression and generalized anxiety, along with complex posttraumatic stress disorder. I say my brain is my frenemy because I feel like I have superpowers sometimes, e.g. when I am hyper-fixated and able to get work done in record time. At other times, my brain is basically useless- I have problems with executive functioning, get caught in catastrophe spirals, cannot focus, and sometimes I even have thoughts that it would be better\/ easier for the people I care about if I were dead. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I first realized that I was not in a good place with my mental health, I was just getting established with my faith and I felt like I was broken because I wanted to die so often. I felt like if I were a \u201creal\u201d Christian, I would never think like this. Therefore, struggling with suicidality was proof that whatever faith I had was fickle or superficial.  In addition, I was so worried that if I told anyone, I would get sent on a grippy sock vacation and everyone would know exactly how broken (add in a lot of other really unkind adjectives here) I was. So, I prayed about it and asked God to strengthen my faith and fix my brain and take away the thoughts I was having, make me happy and not anxious and normal. He didn\u2019t do any of that, but he did reveal a passage to me that has changed my perspective both as a person and a therapist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Joshua Earle<\/a> on Unsplash.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Edwin Schneidman\u2019s work \u201cThe Suicidal <\/a>Mind<\/a>\u201d<\/a> introduces us to a construct called \u201cpsycheache\u201d. This phenomenon is described as the deep psychological pain that one endures that is so overwhelming it causes an individual to contemplate suicide as a coping response. This phenomenon is demonstrated in one of Paul\u2019s letters, 2 Corinthians. He writes in verse 8 \u201c\u2026 We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.\u201d I am not arguing that Paul is describing an acute suicidal episode in this passage. He is, however stating that there are times when a human being is in so much despair, that the prospect of a future seems impossible. I\u00a0\u00a0interpret this passage as providing an example of the ways that suffering can impact a person so deeply, that they see death as a viable option for themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also in 2 Corinthians, Paul writes words of praise to the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort \u201cwho comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.\u201d (NIV) In moments when I am sitting across from an individual who is wholly broken, in pain, and suffering, I sometimes feel inadequate to love them in a way that will make a difference. In those moments I remind myself of this verse. I have internalized this to mean that I am not consoling or comforting this client out of my own strength or emotional well, rather I call on His resources to sustain me so that I might just be with them in those moments; comfort them in a way that embodies God\u2019s love. This \u201cemotional outsourcing\u201d as I call it, is a protective skill that I use in order to stay regulated in the moment and protect myself from burnout in the long-term. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Ability Ministry<\/a> on disibilityisbeautiful.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The message continues, where Paul invites us into community with one another. He elucidates the role of sharing our burdens, in leaning on one another for endurance in moments where we might otherwise be crushed. There have been a few times throughout the past decade where I have questioned if I could shoulder the burdens of others while managing the weight of my own struggles, but this passage reminds us that we are not alone in it, nor should we be. When I am teaching students and supervisors about suicide intervention skills, for example, we focus on the importance of collaboration in safety planning, goal setting, contingency managing, etc. Outside of the legal and ethical recommendations for consultation, inviting others into the fold provides an opportunity to lessen our emotional load. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In summary, I got into this work because I needed to understand why my brain felt like it was constantly betraying me. Through my work, I found compassion not only for myself, but also an ability to shoulder weight that I\u2019d otherwise be unable manage. While there is part of me that worries those who might read this post will somehow think less of me, doubt me or my relationship with Jesus, I know in my soul that I am doing work that God called me to. I know that He has placed me on this path to make goodness out of my experiences so that I might help others. Whether you\u2019re struggling with suicidality yourself, or you worry about how you\u2019ll respond as a clinician in the future- please know that this is a hard topic to wrestle with and it can be scary. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Trung Nguyen<\/a> on Pexels.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My hope is that by reading these posts, you now know the signs to look out for, the importance of challenging some of our own biases, and the necessity to build relationships with one another and with God. You can read post 1<\/a> and post 2<\/a> here! Thank you for following along with this series for Suicide Prevention Month. If you have questions or comments about anything I have discussed here, please reach out to me. If you or someone you know is struggling with suicide or other mental health crisis, call 988, or search for a mental health professional. You are not alone, and there is hope in tomorrow.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Viktor Frankl has a quote in Man\u2019s Search for Meaning: \u201cIn some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning\u2026\u201d I think, at the heart of it all, the reason I study trauma and suicide is because it gives my experiences meaning.\u00a0 I have major depression and generalized anxiety, along […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[41,4],"tags":[12,46,17,107,25,18,208],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2071"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/36"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2071"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2071\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2079,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2071\/revisions\/2079"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}