{"id":1981,"date":"2024-03-27T17:20:36","date_gmt":"2024-03-27T17:20:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/?p=1981"},"modified":"2024-03-27T17:20:37","modified_gmt":"2024-03-27T17:20:37","slug":"navigating-the-waves-of-grief-understanding-and-coping-with-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.calbaptist.edu\/cshb\/2024\/03\/27\/navigating-the-waves-of-grief-understanding-and-coping-with-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Navigating the Waves of Grief: Understanding and Coping with Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez<\/a> on Unsplash.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMom, Mom, something is wrong with Cookie,\u201d my daughter yelled from downstairs. On November 10, 2023, Cookie was found unresponsive and was rushed to the veterinarian hospital. They performed CPR and intubated her in attempts to stabilize to no avail. The doctor recommended euthanasia due to the poor prognosis. Cookie was our 15-year-old Terrier mix\/ Chihuahua who we had since she was born. Just a few months earlier, we celebrated her Quincea\u00f1era (15th birthday celebration), where 99% of the attendees were humans. As we continue to grieve the loss of our furry friend, it is a reminder of how complex the topic of grief is. In our household alone, three of us are grieving entirely differently. It is essential to understand that this is not a \u201cone size fits all\u201d process. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Dr. Maritza Boj\u00f3rquez<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Understanding Grief and Loss<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The grief process is unique. Everyone experiences some loss in a lifetime. Even \u201cJesus wept,\u201d as noted in John 11:35, where he mourns the death of his friend, Lazarus. To better understand grief, there is some terminology I would like to share. Anticipatory grief is expected loss, which can stem from terminal illness or job loss due to the agency closing. There is prolonged grief, now recognized in the DSM-5 TR as an illness. Prolonged grief occurs when a griever\u2019s daily function is impaired long-term, and there is difficulty adjusting to life without the person or thing (usually six months after the loss). There is also disenfranchised grief that is invalidated by culture or society (i.e., suicide, miscarriage, pet, overdose). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Further, there are various levels of grief: primary, secondary, and multiple. Primary is a death or a significant life-changing event (i.e., death of a loved one, losing a limb, or a job). Secondary grief refers to the consequences of primary events, for example, a change in a family role, companionship, or freedom. Lastly, multiple losses are several primary losses, such as the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, and the loss of a relationship (Cleiren, 2015; Haley, 2013; Zhai & Du, 2020). A recent example that affected millions was the multiple primary losses witnessed during the COVID-19 pandemic. Some clients experienced the loss of loved ones, housing, employment, and health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These layers of different kinds of grief are further compounded by cultural influences on grief. From a clinical perspective, understanding the grief someone is experiencing will be incomplete without sufficient cultural humility. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Dr. Maritza Boj\u00f3rquez<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Cultural Aspect<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trying to unpack the cultural influence on grief is as complicated as culture itself. Consider Latino culture as an example. The Latino culture is not homogenous in the way they go through the grieving process. Some are heavily rooted in religion and spirituality. For example, Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) originally stems from an indigenous custom. However, I have noticed that family and friends who practice Catholicism tend to celebrate it more. Dia de los Muertos takes place annually on November 1 and 2, and surviving relatives commemorate the loved ones that have passed by creating ofrendas (altars) with their loved one\u2019s pictures, favorite foods, and marigold flowers (think of the Pixar\/ Disney movie Coco). During this time, it is believed that the spirits of those who have passed come to visit, thus being celebrated by the surviving family. Others tend to honor their loved ones by praying a Novenario (rosary for nine days) upon their passing and on the anniversary of their death and hosting a misa (mass). During this time, it is a remembrance and honoring their loved ones. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I began to write this blog, it became challenging because it forced me to stop and think about my feelings regarding the loss of my four-legged companion. The day Cookie passed, I cried and then \u201cgot it together.\u201d Being \u201cstrong\u201d (for others) became an expectation growing up in my Mexican family, which has followed through adulthood. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Dr. Maritza Boj\u00f3rquez <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

As a social worker, I learned about the five stages of grief from Dr. Elisabeth K\u00fcbler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, there is still that disconnect between knowing and doing, also known as the action paradox, further highlighting the importance of cultural pressure. As I examined examples of lived experience, I thought back to when my older brother passed away. At 18 years old, I was in charge of helping my mother with the burial process for my older brother, hence the “keep it moving” attitude. Further, in the burial process in Mexico, there seems to be no time to process the passing of the loved one. The burial process in Mexico happens so quickly compared to my experience in the United States. When someone passes in Mexico, they are buried within 48 hours, which is broken down by having a vigil for 24 hours followed by the immediate burial. Lastly, the Latino culture has a machismo foundation, and it is less accepting of males crying than females. These are a few examples of what I’ve experienced that show how the grieving process may be interrupted due to a lack of time or cultural acceptance. If grief is not processed, it can lead to prolonged or complicated grief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have delved into grief and loss, but let\u2019s address some common misconceptions and myths along with some coping skills and tips to support others experiencing grief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by Transly Translation Agency<\/a> on Unsplash.com<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Misconceptions and Myths<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n